The New Way

As economic and ecological collapse looms in our world, we humans must embrace a necessary transition.  We must evolve from outer to inner definition.  This is the new way.  This alone will save our planet home from desolation and our species from extinction.  To be part of this timely change, here are some suggestions.

Do’s

Do inner work:  Grieve and heal childhood trauma; free yourself to be real.

Stay single:  Stay with yourself, find yourself, love yourself—find your singular purpose as defined from within and contribute this needed gift to the world. Continue reading

Hope in Dark Times

Sometimes the negative forces in our world seem so powerful they overwhelm our ability to see hope.  The promise of a peaceful, humane future seems unlikely.  Some think technology will lift us out of our despair and save us from our troubles, when technology is the problem, polluting and destroying nature and removing us further from our true nature, our souls.

That’s when it’s good to remember that truth and nature are stronger than human hubris and the forces of destruction.

Also good to remember is that truth resides within us, and as it courses through our true selves, it comforts and guides us, even through the darkest time.

When we are quiet, far from the noise and clamor of a troubled world, nature speaks to us in the silence … of its wonders.

In silence, in the darkest time, hope is born.

The Curse of Trauma–the Cure of Truth

It is not just victims of war, sexual abuse and other brutality who carry trauma—we all do.   We are all traumatized due to childhood misfortune and collective ancestral insanity.

Through my observations of my own inner world, of the people I work with as a therapist and my observations of the troubled global community, I realize that our species carries a tragic legacy of trauma. From the mists of time, when our human species first emerged, until now, we have misused our capacity of consciousness to become clever, brutal, overpopulating animals and not self-aware stewards of life.  This misuse of mind has wounded us, traumatized us.

We have blamed our destructive ways on our flawed human nature, the evil Other, or even on original sin.  But this is not true.  Trauma is the culprit that distorts our perception of reality.  Our essential human nature is good.  As we grieve and heal our traumatic past, we begin to know that our essence is true and our greatest hope.

When we heal our traumatic history, our true self begins to interface with truth.  With truth as our guide, we can do the real work of life which is to evolve consciousness to the next level of understanding.  When we experience this true purpose, we experience an abiding faith in the goodness of life and our role in it.  No matter the cruelty and confusion of the world around us, our life takes on a new meaning that inspires hope in ourselves and others for a new future.

What Is Your Passion?

I often ask others, “What is your passion?  What makes you tick?  What are you living for in the deepest sense?  What inspires you to go forward?”  Secretly, I’m hoping to discover my own passion, purpose and reason for being.

So I mused on this quietly for a while and this is what came to me.

My passion, my deepest purpose, my reason for being is to grow, to evolve, to become more conscious.  Ultimately I want to become at one with life and its mystery.

But at times, this passionate purpose can seem hard to define and hard to measure.

In the past, my passion and purpose were more quantifiable.  I wanted a love partner and success in my career.  I wanted to work and support myself in a meaningful and abundant way.  I wanted my parents to see me and love me at last.  Some of these goals I accomplished.  Some were impossible.  But win or lose, these were tangible goals.  But now I realize that they were secondary to my primary goal.

Now I see that underneath and running through all life goals, with their victories and defeats, was a deeper quest.  My passion was to tap into the river of meaning that flows through all of reality and through each age-appropriate quest in life.

The quest to become consonant with life’s meaning is my primary passion and always was, even with other secondary, more concrete goals.

Now I see what my passion is:  to answer the questions of life and solve the mystery of existence through my living and doing.  My passion is to become fully conscious and consonant with truth.  Other goals, though necessary in our lives, are secondary to this primary purpose.  Now this perspective guides my daily living, loving and doing.

I’m grateful to have solved this riddle of existence which represents a mutation in self-understanding.  As I strive to become consonant with truth, my daily living becomes sacred.

Born Better

Some of us are born better.  We have more light and more fight.

We must accept this gift with gratitude and humility. We must also realize that this privilege carries a terrible responsibility.  We must leave the comforts of convention, often including our families of origin and their limited ways, to develop, embody and share our gift.

But what do I mean by better?

I mean more conscious.  This increased capacity for self-awareness, truth awareness, is a gift from nature and evolution.  Additional gifts are our motivation to embody and share this gift and our willingness to be in an environment that supports and can use our unusual ability.

Talent is not what I’m talking about.  Many are extremely gifted in the arts or science or business or politics.  Some are brilliant entrepreneurs and earn huge sums.  Yet in terms of consciousness and self-knowing, truth-knowing, they are not gifted at all.

If you are born better, don’t be shy.  Instead thank life for this gift and use it in this troubled world to change it for the better.  Remember, change starts from the imagination of an inspired few.

Who Do We Belong To?

We belong to ourselves.  We must remember if we are to be real and true, we belong to ourselves, to nature and to truth—not the limits of our upbringing.

Despite the common thinking of the world that argues we belong to our parents, our families, our culture and its values and traditions, this is not true.  We do not belong to limited people or systems that would confine our growth and damage our spirit.  We belong to ourselves and to universal principle and must leave the limits of our upbringing to live true.

But there is a struggle.

There is great pressure from our families and the conventional world to stay behind and honor mother and father and their world no matter how limited, dysfunctional or cruel and it takes an unusually gifted soul to leave it.  We were born into this world and our departure has a heartbreaking aspect to it since it is hard to see the failures of our first loves, mother and father and face the limits of our culture of origin.

Those who did not have the courage to leave will always resent those who do.  In fact those who stay behind will work hard to shame, guilt, withhold love and even shun those who escape the snares of a closed, cultist family system.  This is a sad and cruel manipulation.  Those who stay behind see those who leave as a threatening reminder of what they failed to do—become themselves, true people.  The free spirit of those who left reveals the closed prison of those who took the easier path of conformity and stayed behind.

But the troubling manipulations of the family to return to their world do not work.  Those who have tasted freedom and belong to life and its mystery do not return to the prison of safety and convention.  Rather these free spirits soar to higher realms of consciousness and wonder, unknown to the average.

The Therapist/Client Relationship

The relationship between a therapist and client is a professional and unequal relationship.  It is highly personal for the client and not so for the therapist.

The client reveals secrets and highly personal and private details of their life experience and childhood; the therapist maintains boundaries and self-discloses carefully if at all. The client needs re-parenting; the therapist is the parental surrogate. The client needs to be emotionally held as children do; the therapist does the holding.  The client needs to be seen, heard and witnessed; the therapist sees, hears and witnesses.  The client presents issues; the therapist assesses these issues and offers interpretations of them that often connect to childhood history and trauma.  The client is the student; the therapist is the teacher and can confront and guide the client into a deeper understanding of self.  The client works to a deeper insight into self and behavior; the therapist facilitates this growth.  The client grows, stays stuck or quits; the therapist lives separately from the client and though saddened if a client is stuck or quits realizes this is a choice of the client.  The therapist may be influenced by the client’s issues and growth, but ideally remains detached from them.  The therapist realizes as much as they root for the client, it is up to the client to do the work and grow.  The therapist has a separate life that should be of more interest to the therapist than the life of the client.  The therapist continues to work on his/her issues to be of value to the client.

What makes a good therapist?

Good therapists have healed their own childhood issues and have evolved into enlightened adulthood.  They have done the most profound inner work of all—they have healed their ancient childhood wounds.  They have evolved into their true selves and work to manifest their gifts. They are universal beings and belong to life, nature and truth—not the limits of their upbringing or culture.  Living out of their true selves allows them to interact with the client in a genuine and generous manner, since they understand human dynamics and defenses from a healed and universal perspective.  They also empathize with the client since they have suffered similar traumas but have healed them which offers the client hope.  These enlightened therapists are living examples of what a healed and manifested life is, since they practice what they preach.  They know the theories and sound practices established in the conventional canon of human psychology and spirituality, but their greatest strength is the living example of their healed lives and the gifts and joy in living these enlightened therapists embody and manifest. Good therapists teach their clients self-therapy and work to get the client out of treatment and on their own.  Good therapists will not abandon their clients, but be there as long as needed, but overall want their clients to grow up, leave treatment and be on their own.

What makes a bad therapist?

Bad therapists have not healed their childhood wounds.  They practice from learned theories and not from healed and enlightened living.  Bad therapists are like bad parents and exploit their client for their own needs, enjoying the power they hold over the client.  Bad therapists withhold love and understanding and manipulate the client to fulfill their own unmet needs from childhood.   Bad therapists induce dependency relationships in the client and misuse the power they hold over the client as their own parents misused their power over them.  These bad therapists cannot teach or lead by example because they are not genuine, enlightened people themselves.  Often they resent the growth in the client because it points out how stuck and emotional dead they are themselves.  They keep the client infantilized, withholding approval and endorsement of the clients strengths so that the client will remain a dependent “child” and not abandon the “adult” therapist.  Also, with a dependent client, the therapist insures an income flow no matter how unethical this may be.

Who Do We Belong to?

We belong to ourselves.  We must remember this if we are to be real and true—we belong to ourselves, to nature and to truth, not the limits of our upbringing.

Despite the common thinking of the world that argues we belong to our parents, our families, our culture and their values and traditions, this is not true.  We do not belong to limited people or systems that would confine our growth and damage our spirit.

We belong to ourselves and to universal principle and must leave the limits of our upbringing to live true.  But there is a struggle.

There is great pressure from our families and conventional thinking to stay behind and honor mother and father and their world no matter how limited, dysfunctional or cruel and it takes an unusually gifted soul to leave.  We were born into this world of our parents and our departure has a heartbreaking aspect to it, since it is hard to see the failures of our first loves, mother and father, and face the limits of our culture of origin.

Those who didn’t have the courage to leave will always resent those who did.    In fact those who stay behind will work hard to shame, guilt, withhold love and even shun those who escape the snares of a closed, cultist family system.  This is a sad and cruel manipulation.  Those who stay behind see those who leave as a threatening reminder of what they failed to do—become themselves, true people.  The free spirit of those who left reveals the closed prison of those who took the easier path of conformity and stayed behind.

But the troubling manipulations of the family to return to their world do not work.  Those who have tasted freedom and belong to life and its mystery do not return to the prison of safety and convention.  Rather these free spirits soar to higher realms of consciousness and wonder, unknown to the average.

I Wanted to Change the World

Like many of us, I wanted to change the world.  But my best efforts seemed irrelevant as the steamroller of average people’s destructive living plowed through, almost taking me with it.  Then I had a revelation:  that despite this troubled world, I had grown—evolved.  I had changed.

As a Seeker, I was different—more self-aware, more profoundly human, more accurately me.  And this brought me to my second revelation:  that since I had changed, the world had changed too.  When you and I change, the world changes—and it only takes a few to set new ways in motion.

Why Humanity is Sacred

Our humanity is sacred because of our capacity to interface with truth.

Our true self is that juncture where our human limits interface with the expansiveness of truth.  This juncture is not just a connection with the collective unconscious, the combined, generational experiences of our common humanity that has also settled into our cellular knowing.  Our sacred self is greater than this.

At our core, we connect with something deeper and more profound than human experience—we interface with truth.  The site of this intersection of humanity and truth is sacred—it is our true self, our sacred self.