How Do We Break the Cycle of Trans-generational Transgression?

Most are not aware of the soul crimes of their ancestors.  These betrayals remain unknown, as they are passed unconsciously through the generations.

But some are more sensitive by nature, and feel these wrongs as violations.  They question the source of this poison infecting them, since its source feels external to them.  As unnamed traumas begin to contaminate these sensitive types, they perceive a grave error, dissonant from their sense-of-self.  This discernment can begin in early childhood.

If the sensitive child is not crushed by the emotional limits of his parents, he distances himself from the traumas leaking through mother and father and begins a survival strategy.  He steps aside from the emotional constriction of his caretakers and creates a secret world.  In this private world, he preserves what is best in him.  From this protected place, he observes those in his family and world who would destroy his original impulses and authenticity and holds on to these treasures at all costs.  His devotion is not to mother and father or social propriety, but to these rare gifts at his core.

If the child persists in this self-preservation into adulthood, he will succeed in establishing a true identity, separate from the disguised cruelty of normalcy.  In so doing, he breaks the cycle of trans-generational transgression and a new way of being, consonant with truth and nature, begins.

Love Changes the Rules

Love enters our being through the heart.  Love is a powerful force which compels us to grow beyond the limits of our upbringing.  Once away from our unconscious families, we are safe to heal our traumatic history and integrate our fragmented self into a whole person.  This integration is the marriage within, in which our human nature weds our higher nature; our instincts wed our ideals.  We become a whole person at last, at one with it all.

Most profoundly, this integration of the self changes the rules.  It generates a paradigm shift, a redefinition of what it means to be human.  No longer ruled by trauma like Homo sapiens, we become a new species, Homo veritas, ruled by truth under love’s authority.  With our new status, we change the world, simply because we have changed ourselves.

If we refuse this integration, with intractable trauma constricting the heart and preventing love’s entry and circulation, we will experience a crisis.  The blocked vitality of love energy accumulates into a torrent of force that breaks down our defensive walls and makes us vulnerable to change.  The false self perceives this breakdown as a tragedy.  The true self sees this breakdown as a breakthrough, a liberating invitation to authentic living.  If we resist growing throughout our lifetime, crises will emerge at each stage of the life cycle.  The most noted is the midlife crisis.

If we defy these crises collectively, they become a global catastrophe.  Individual dysfunction, multiplied exponentially, becomes burgeoning populations of troubled, violent masses which the planet cannot sustain.  Sad and shocking, this describes our world.

It is wise to open our hearts and let love transform us into a new species that instead of destroying life—sustains life.

The New Way

As economic and ecological collapse looms in our world, we humans must embrace a necessary transition.  We must evolve from outer to inner definition.  This is the new way.  This alone will save our planet home from desolation and our species from extinction.  To be part of this timely change, here are some suggestions.

Do’s

Do inner work                         Grieve and heal childhood trauma; free yourself to be real.

Stay single                               Stay with yourself, find yourself, love yourself—find your singular purpose as defined from within and contribute this needed gift to the world.

Live vertical                            Grow up and out of trauma-based, conventional concerns and into universal purpose.

Manifest gifts                          Develop and give your personal gifts to serve the world.

Live your dream                      Life planted aspirations in you—embody them.  They will fulfill you and help many.

Evolve                                     Align with nature and truth in order to evolve consciousness to the next level.

Be humble                               Humble means teachable.  Life rewards and uses the humble, teaching them the path of fulfilled living which will serve our evolving planet

Be you                                     You are an original and here for a purpose that only you can fulfill.  Do this by being you and meet your deepest responsibility as a human being.

Trust                                        Truth and nature are stronger than human error and are your allies.  Truth and nature protect all life including yours.  Fear not—truth and nature are stronger.

 

Don’ts

Don’t get caught in drama      The distractions of conventional living are fraught with distracting conflicts that can divert you from your primary purpose of growing up and upward into universal purpose.

Don’t have children               The world is crowded and crazy.  Having children when you are unhealed abuses them, thwarts your growth and puts more stress and pollution into the world. Give birth to your true self instead.

Don’t get married                   The marriage you need is within.  Once freed of trauma, your instincts (your animal nature) can wed your ideals (your higher nature) and you become an integrated person—and a person of integrity.

Don’t get trapped                   Don’t get trapped in the limits of your family and culture.  Remember, you belong to truth and the grandeur of nature.

Don’t listen to noise                Don’t listen to the frightening noise of the world—listen to the quiet, reassuring voice of truth at your core.  All is well and so are you.

A Must Do

Live right—fear nothing.

These ideas are more fully explored in my book Field Guide to a New Species—a new sustainable way to be human. http://visionaryman.net/field-guide-to-a-new-species/

A New Time Begins Today

Today is the first day of a New Year—and a new time in our lives.  There is excitement in the air, for the gift we receive today is time—a new day, a new year, another chance to heal and grow.  Time is the medium of evolution allowing the unfolding of life’s purpose.  The days of this New Year, used consciously, will awaken our purpose and lead to our enlightenment.

Time used constructively heals the wounds that would crush our life’s expression.

Time used mindfully carries us like a mighty river to our depth.

Time used consciously transforms life experience into wisdom and illumination.

No wonder we’re excited at the prospects of this New Year and its gift of time.

It takes time to heal.  We must proceed slowly, day by day, unraveling the damage that confounds the full expression of our identity.  Our wounds run deep for they were inflicted practically from our first breath.  The painstaking work of loving all the lost parts of ourselves back to life, vitality, and full expression must be done slowly, day by day, throughout this bright New Year.

Today we begin the journey back to our self and to truth.  We take the hand of our frightened inner child who was shamed into believing it was of little value and hold this child in our care and protection.  We comfort this terrified child, buried within us, who hid for safe-keeping until this very moment.  We open the prison gates with our love and breathe life into this forgotten existence.

Today we begin a sacred journey through a New Year.  Slowly, through the days of this new time, we develop our dishonored child into the fulfilled adult that life intended.

This bright New Year with gratitude, humility and love, I begin a new time in my life.

Hope in Dark Times

Sometimes the negative forces in our world seem so powerful they overwhelm our ability to see hope.  The promise of a peaceful, humane future seems unlikely.  Some think technology will lift us out of our despair and save us from our troubles, when technology is the problem, polluting and destroying nature and removing us further from our true nature, our souls.

That’s when it’s good to remember that truth and nature are stronger than human hubris and the forces of destruction.

Also good to remember is that truth resides within us, and as it courses through our true selves, it comforts and guides us, even through the darkest time.

When we are quiet, far from the noise and clamor of a troubled world, nature speaks to us in the silence … of its wonders.

In silence, in the darkest time, hope is born.

The Curse of Trauma–the Cure of Truth

It is not just victims of war, sexual abuse and other brutality who carry trauma—we all do.   We are all traumatized due to childhood misfortune and collective ancestral insanity.

Through my observations of my own inner world, of the people I work with as a therapist and my observations of the troubled global community, I realize that our species carries a tragic legacy of trauma. From the mists of time, when our human species first emerged, until now, we have misused our capacity of consciousness to become clever, brutal, overpopulating animals and not self-aware stewards of life.  This misuse of mind has wounded us, traumatized us.

We have blamed our destructive ways on our flawed human nature, the evil Other, or even on original sin.  But this is not true.  Trauma is the culprit that distorts our perception of reality.  Our essential human nature is good.  As we grieve and heal our traumatic past, we begin to know that our essence is true and our greatest hope.

When we heal our traumatic history, our true self begins to interface with truth.  With truth as our guide, we can do the real work of life which is to evolve consciousness to the next level of understanding.  When we experience this true purpose, we experience an abiding faith in the goodness of life and our role in it.  No matter the cruelty and confusion of the world around us, our life takes on a new meaning that inspires hope in ourselves and others for a new future.

What Is Your Passion?

I often ask others, “What is your passion?  What makes you tick?  What are you living for in the deepest sense?  What inspires you to go forward?”  Secretly, I’m hoping to discover my own passion, purpose and reason for being.

So I mused on this quietly for a while and this is what came to me.

My passion, my deepest purpose, my reason for being is to grow, to evolve, to become more conscious.  Ultimately I want to become at one with life and its mystery.

But at times, this passionate purpose can seem hard to define and hard to measure.

In the past, my passion and purpose were more quantifiable.  I wanted a love partner and success in my career.  I wanted to work and support myself in a meaningful and abundant way.  I wanted my parents to see me and love me at last.  Some of these goals I accomplished.  Some were impossible.  But win or lose, these were tangible goals.  But now I realize that they were secondary to my primary goal.

Now I see that underneath and running through all life goals, with their victories and defeats, was a deeper quest.  My passion was to tap into the river of meaning that flows through all of reality and through each age-appropriate quest in life.

The quest to become consonant with life’s meaning is my primary passion and always was, even with other secondary, more concrete goals.

Now I see what my passion is:  to answer the questions of life and solve the mystery of existence through my living and doing.  My passion is to become fully conscious and consonant with truth.  Other goals, though necessary in our lives, are secondary to this primary purpose.  Now this perspective guides my daily living, loving and doing.

I’m grateful to have solved this riddle of existence which represents a mutation in self-understanding.  As I strive to become consonant with truth, my daily living becomes sacred.

Born Better

Some of us are born better.  We have more light and more fight.

We must accept this gift with gratitude and humility. We must also realize that this privilege carries a terrible responsibility.  We must leave the comforts of convention, often including our families of origin and their limited ways, to develop, embody and share our gift.

But what do I mean by better?

I mean more conscious.  This increased capacity for self-awareness, truth awareness, is a gift from nature and evolution.  Additional gifts are our motivation to embody and share this gift and our willingness to be in an environment that supports and can use our unusual ability.

Talent is not what I’m talking about.  Many are extremely gifted in the arts or science or business or politics.  Some are brilliant entrepreneurs and earn huge sums.  Yet in terms of consciousness and self-knowing, truth-knowing, they are not gifted at all.

If you are born better, don’t be shy.  Instead thank life for this gift and use it in this troubled world to change it for the better.  Remember, change starts from the imagination of an inspired few.

Who Do We Belong To?

We belong to ourselves.  We must remember if we are to be real and true, we belong to ourselves, to nature and to truth—not the limits of our upbringing.

Despite the common thinking of the world that argues we belong to our parents, our families, our culture and its values and traditions, this is not true.  We do not belong to limited people or systems that would confine our growth and damage our spirit.  We belong to ourselves and to universal principle and must leave the limits of our upbringing to live true.

But there is a struggle.

There is great pressure from our families and the conventional world to stay behind and honor mother and father and their world no matter how limited, dysfunctional or cruel and it takes an unusually gifted soul to leave it.  We were born into this world and our departure has a heartbreaking aspect to it since it is hard to see the failures of our first loves, mother and father and face the limits of our culture of origin.

Those who did not have the courage to leave will always resent those who do.  In fact those who stay behind will work hard to shame, guilt, withhold love and even shun those who escape the snares of a closed, cultist family system.  This is a sad and cruel manipulation.  Those who stay behind see those who leave as a threatening reminder of what they failed to do—become themselves, true people.  The free spirit of those who left reveals the closed prison of those who took the easier path of conformity and stayed behind.

But the troubling manipulations of the family to return to their world do not work.  Those who have tasted freedom and belong to life and its mystery do not return to the prison of safety and convention.  Rather these free spirits soar to higher realms of consciousness and wonder, unknown to the average.

The Therapist/Client Relationship

The relationship between a therapist and client is a professional and unequal relationship.  It is highly personal for the client and not so for the therapist.

The client reveals secrets and highly personal and private details of their life experience and childhood; the therapist maintains boundaries and self-discloses carefully if at all. The client needs re-parenting; the therapist is the parental surrogate. The client needs to be emotionally held as children do; the therapist does the holding.  The client needs to be seen, heard and witnessed; the therapist sees, hears and witnesses.  The client presents issues; the therapist assesses these issues and offers interpretations of them that often connect to childhood history and trauma.  The client is the student; the therapist is the teacher and can confront and guide the client into a deeper understanding of self.  The client works to a deeper insight into self and behavior; the therapist facilitates this growth.  The client grows, stays stuck or quits; the therapist lives separately from the client and though saddened if a client is stuck or quits realizes this is a choice of the client.  The therapist may be influenced by the client’s issues and growth, but ideally remains detached from them.  The therapist realizes as much as they root for the client, it is up to the client to do the work and grow.  The therapist has a separate life that should be of more interest to the therapist than the life of the client.  The therapist continues to work on his/her issues to be of value to the client.

What makes a good therapist?

Good therapists have healed their own childhood issues and have evolved into enlightened adulthood.  They have done the most profound inner work of all—they have healed their ancient childhood wounds.  They have evolved into their true selves and work to manifest their gifts. They are universal beings and belong to life, nature and truth—not the limits of their upbringing or culture.  Living out of their true selves allows them to interact with the client in a genuine and generous manner, since they understand human dynamics and defenses from a healed and universal perspective.  They also empathize with the client since they have suffered similar traumas but have healed them which offers the client hope.  These enlightened therapists are living examples of what a healed and manifested life is, since they practice what they preach.  They know the theories and sound practices established in the conventional canon of human psychology and spirituality, but their greatest strength is the living example of their healed lives and the gifts and joy in living these enlightened therapists embody and manifest. Good therapists teach their clients self-therapy and work to get the client out of treatment and on their own.  Good therapists will not abandon their clients, but be there as long as needed, but overall want their clients to grow up, leave treatment and be on their own.

What makes a bad therapist?

Bad therapists have not healed their childhood wounds.  They practice from learned theories and not from healed and enlightened living.  Bad therapists are like bad parents and exploit their client for their own needs, enjoying the power they hold over the client.  Bad therapists withhold love and understanding and manipulate the client to fulfill their own unmet needs from childhood.   Bad therapists induce dependency relationships in the client and misuse the power they hold over the client as their own parents misused their power over them.  These bad therapists cannot teach or lead by example because they are not genuine, enlightened people themselves.  Often they resent the growth in the client because it points out how stuck and emotional dead they are themselves.  They keep the client infantilized, withholding approval and endorsement of the clients strengths so that the client will remain a dependent “child” and not abandon the “adult” therapist.  Also, with a dependent client, the therapist insures an income flow no matter how unethical this may be.