The Propensity for Violence in the Unhealed

People who have not healed their wounds of childhood have a propensity for violence—and live looking for a fight.  From bickering with a partner to self-destructive behavior to squabbles at work to outright international warfare, all violence stems from adults who have not addressed the wounded child within and instead seek revenge outside.

Only adults who have confronted our parents—either face-to-face, or more essentially, within our psyches—and resolved our childhood rage can approach conflict in a mature manner.  The unhealed, who remain unconscious of childhood betrayals, must idealize their parents.  To them, the parents can do no wrong.  For that reason they act out their denied rage on others.

Collectively, an immature culture or nation with a populace unwilling to investigate its collective trauma will unconsciously project its rage onto others—and create an enemy.  Collective, unconscious rage hopes for an outlet in war.  The unconscious nation always idealizes its position.  The culture or nation says things such as ‘We can do no wrong,’ ‘We are favored by God,’ and ‘We are always right and always the victim.’  Violence begins in defense of the “noble” ideology of this self-righteous and immature people.

Only those of us who have healed our violated child into maturity can approach conflict and an enemy in a nonreactive way.  When an adult is healed, he or she possesses power, authority, and consciousness to confront the raging child in another with detachment.  A conscious adult can approach a conflict, hear its issues, and resolve the matter in a safe, measured manner.  If others become attacking, violent children, then our self-defense needs to remain detached, and not become an excuse to act out unconscious rage in return.  Our police, our armies, and we ourselves need to approach self-defense in an enlightened manner.

There will be actual enemies and threats to our rights and security, but conscious confrontation and peaceful resolution of conflict is possible for adults who are emancipated from childhood pain.  Healed adults seek conscious, diplomatic ways to address a foe.  Fighting fire with fire is a last resort.  Actualized adults needn’t brutalize each other or jeopardize humanity’s survival to resolve conflict, but can artfully, consciously, and efficiently convert a disturbance into peace.

5 thoughts on “The Propensity for Violence in the Unhealed

  1. Thank you for this blog. So I have been struggling for myself on how to confront my parents within my psyche as it did not work to confront them face to face. How do I confront it with my psyche? I have anger that I know needs to be resolved from my childhood. Thank you.

    • Hi Cindy

      Yes, confronting our parents can re-traumatize when they are unable to witness what we are saying or admit they were hurtful. They may even turn around our arguments and hurt us again. I always say that we can heal childhood wounds by having our adult self witness our wounded child. This is the essence of self-therapy. The adult part of us can hear the child’s anger, abandonment and sorrow. When the child is heard at last, the child experiences joy. This also describes a grief process. As we admit the losses of childhood, we can grieve them and the end of grief is joy. And the good news is we needn’t depend on our parents confession or contrition to resolve our past. We hold that power of self-healing within ourselves. Thanks for your question.

  2. Can I just say what a comfort to find somebody that really knows what
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    • Thank you for your support and encouragement. I’ll work on finding a way to get the word out. The world is in so much trouble and so much denial. Thanks for being a kindred aware soul.

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